3 weeks
3 weeks... that's how long it's been since that horrible day. 3 weeks, what has happened in 3 weeks, well nothing much. I can't bring myself to clean out the house, yes I know it has to be done but for some reason I just keep putting it off. I think because by cleaning out his house that makes it real. Real that my dad is never coming back. I know he's in heaven and with God but I'm slefish and I want him with me. I would give back everything, all the money, everything just to have my dad back. Back to spend time with the Grandson he charished, back to meet any future grandchilden, back to reconcile with DH because of the fight they had last Christmas. Just back in our lives.
I've lost my grandmother and aunt who I was really close to but this has to be the most devestation lost I've ever had to deal with. I don't know what to do. I'm short and bitchy with everyone and I break down at the littlest things. I can't remember hardly anything that has happened in the last 3 weeks as the days just run together like one giant blur. I get jealous and upset at the people around me going on like nothing has happened while my world as I know it has fallen completly apart. The stress of it all has become almost too much to bare.
Dealing with Chase breaks my heart also, for a 3 yr old he has a pretty good understanding of the whole thing. He knows that is Papa is in heaven with Jesus and God and is playing with the angels. We used to tell him that when it thunders that is just the Angels bowling and getting strikes, well now according to Chase that is his Papa bowling and getting a strike. Because afterall his Papa is playing with the Angels. As I said he has a great understanding of it for someone so young. He has his moments when he gets really upset and mopes around and he's been more on the whinny side lately. I've been trying to spend more time with him doing fun things. I've also been debating on whether or not to get him some counseling. I may give it another few weeks and see how things go.
3 weeks ..... and my heart is still broken in a million pieces
3 weeks ..... and it still feels like yesturday
3 weeks .....
Does it ever get any easier?
I've lost my grandmother and aunt who I was really close to but this has to be the most devestation lost I've ever had to deal with. I don't know what to do. I'm short and bitchy with everyone and I break down at the littlest things. I can't remember hardly anything that has happened in the last 3 weeks as the days just run together like one giant blur. I get jealous and upset at the people around me going on like nothing has happened while my world as I know it has fallen completly apart. The stress of it all has become almost too much to bare.
Dealing with Chase breaks my heart also, for a 3 yr old he has a pretty good understanding of the whole thing. He knows that is Papa is in heaven with Jesus and God and is playing with the angels. We used to tell him that when it thunders that is just the Angels bowling and getting strikes, well now according to Chase that is his Papa bowling and getting a strike. Because afterall his Papa is playing with the Angels. As I said he has a great understanding of it for someone so young. He has his moments when he gets really upset and mopes around and he's been more on the whinny side lately. I've been trying to spend more time with him doing fun things. I've also been debating on whether or not to get him some counseling. I may give it another few weeks and see how things go.
3 weeks ..... and my heart is still broken in a million pieces
3 weeks ..... and it still feels like yesturday
3 weeks .....
Does it ever get any easier?
posted by Nolamom @ 12:36 AM
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